i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
