Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
