Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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