i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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