sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
