you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
