I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
