ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
