don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
