Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As shirtless as possible
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
