I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
