Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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