kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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