i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
