so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
