Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
