i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
