glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
