I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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