New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
