we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
