my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
