How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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