Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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