god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How does it feel to date your dad?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
