guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
