Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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