Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
