i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think i have two assholes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
