NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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