This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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