You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
