so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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