i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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