I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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