Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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