why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
