i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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