Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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