Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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