Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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