By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
how drunk are you?
Several
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
