I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
