just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
