Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Someone signed my nipple.
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