If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So many bounce houses so little time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
