Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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