he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize