I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
