Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
