So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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