no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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